03 Dec Working Against The Clock
This is probably a product of being 58 years old but a lot of you are, simply put, wearing me out! You are attempting, with varying degrees of success, to live life at a pace that must be exhausting. And not only are you moving at an exhausting pace, you live as if you expect everything in, around, and near you work at the same pace. It seems the age of delayed gratification is past!
To complicate it even more, you suffer from what I believe to be a very self-destructive notion. That notion is that if it all doesn’t come your way and get settled on the time-line of your turbo-charged brain and culture, there must be something wrong with you. You expect to be married by 25, have a kid by 27, be the CEO by 30, make your tenth million by 35, retire at 50, and sail the world happily ever after with your equally successful spouse and your beautiful and essentially issue free children.
I’m not suggesting that there is anything wrong with this model (or even the particular version that is in the head of every person who reads this). I am saying that we need to offer ourselves a little more patience and grace. Just because things have not worked out exactly in the fashion and time frame you have set up, doesn’t mean that your time is done or that you are a failure. In fact, I would say that pushing too hard can sometimes decrease rather than increase your chances of success.
Here is a small portion of a letter I wrote several years ago to a dear former client. She was moving to a new city and job and these are some of the parting thoughts I had for her.
As far as relationships are concerned, I would love to be able to convince you of what I know to be true. You are a beautiful, wonderful, and loving person who will someday have that great husband and family. There is nothing wrong with waiting and not settling for less than you want or deserve. Sometimes you talk as if there is some sort of clock running. There is no clock. There is only you and finding a timing that allows you to become the person you want to be and to be married to the guy you deserve (and who deserves you). He’s out there. He is strong and smart but also loving, polite, and patient. You will find him and, God willing; together you will make it work.
I believed then and I believe now every word of this. There is no clock. There is only you and finding the timing that allows you to become the person you want to be.