The Emotionally Abusive Relationship

04 Jan The Emotionally Abusive Relationship

I kind of hate starting off the new year with a heavy or even negative topic but I reckon that sums up a lot of my professional life. My wife sometimes complains when I don’t want to watch emotionally charged shows on TV that dramatize the day to day struggles of people and their relationships but that’s kind of like the busman’s holiday for me. I talk about the heavy stuff all day long and usually seek my leisure entertainment in a lighter fare. My blog topic this month is anything but light fare.

I was perusing my Facebook page a few days ago and one of those “hey, check this out and see what you think” pages was on the feed. This one was titled 9 Signs You are in An Emotionally Abusive Relationship. I hear that phrase, emotional abuse, a lot in therapy. I have my ideas as to what it means and the conditions in which I see it played out in my clients, so I was curious to read what this article said. I won’t share all of it but here, paraphrased by me, are the nine.

1. You feel you are on an emotional roller coaster. It can go from boring to punishing in an instant.
2. You are being isolated from a lot of your support system.
3. There are constant issues of jealousy not only regarding other people but also about anything that you value (job, goals, achievements, etc.).
4. Arguments escalate quickly and intensely and they never seem to resolve. They may even lead to physical abuse.
5. You are nervous around them and even feel fearful.
6. You are often being put down and demeaned.
7. You go out of your way to try and make them happy.
8. You feel trapped and helpless.
9. You have started believing that the problem is all you and all your fault.

Whether or not this is a well researched article and though the source is suspect at best, these nine are pretty descriptive of some of the people I have in therapy who are dealing with grossly unhealthy relationships. What do you think? Does this list seem a bit too familiar to you? If so, find someone safe to talk with about it. It matters. You matter.