04 Jan The Emotionally Abusive Relationship
I kind of hate starting off the new year with a heavy or even negative topic but I reckon that sums up a lot of my professional life. My wife sometimes complains when I don’t want to watch emotionally charged shows on TV that dramatize the day to day struggles of people and their relationships but that’s kind of like the busman’s holiday for me. I talk about the heavy stuff all day long and usually seek my leisure entertainment in a lighter fare. My blog topic this month is anything but light fare.
I was perusing my Facebook page a few days ago and one of those “hey, check this out and see what you think” pages was on the feed. This one was titled 9 Signs You are in An Emotionally Abusive Relationship. I hear that phrase, emotional abuse, a lot in therapy. I have my ideas as to what it means and the conditions in which I see it played out in my clients, so I was curious to read what this article said. I won’t share all of it but here, paraphrased by me, are the nine.
- You feel you are on an emotional roller coaster. It can go from boring to punishing in an instant.
- You are being isolated from a lot of your support system.
- There are constant issues of jealousy not only regarding other people but also about anything that you value (job, goals, achievements, etc.).
- Arguments escalate quickly and intensely and they never seem to resolve. They may even lead to physical abuse.
- You are nervous around them and even feel fearful.
- You are often being put down and demeaned.
- You go out of your way to try and make them happy.
- You feel trapped and helpless.
- You have started believing that the problem is all you and all your fault.
Whether or not this is a well researched article and though the source is suspect at best, these nine are pretty descriptive of some of the people I have in therapy who are dealing with grossly unhealthy relationships. What do you think? Does this list seem a bit too familiar to you? If so, find someone safe to talk with about it. It matters. You matter.